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Monday, June 30, 2008

Prayer Only

I'm posting this only for prayer.. I'm not trying to alarm anyone, I'm not looking for a ton of responses of "what's wrong" "what can I do", etc....  , I'm just depressed, confused and need prayer..  I guess for guidance, clarity, hope, money, and that it will all be okay..  My whole life is up in the air... We're having a baby, that is pretty sure. But we're thinking of renting our house and buying another one (with NO money), my business is quickly going down the toilet (thanks to all those photographers out there that think they can take pictures-hate these people), I worry that it's not the best time to have a baby (but who am I to question God)(then I feel guilty for those thoughts) ...  I'm not sure if it's just hormones, but I've been crying for 2 days and don't see any light at the end of this tunnel..  Everyone says this is normal, but is it? This time is sooooo much different then when we were pregnant with Alex.. Maybe it really is a girl and this is a glimpse at my future with a hormonal teenage girl who is just as crazy as me.... Lord help Me!!! ***as I cry*** I need to get out of this house.. I guess I'll go to the bank and transfer around what little money I don't really have to pay the baby sitter who watches Alex while I stay home and cry... what a mess.. maybe I'll just take a nap..  


Please don't respond and say it will all be okay. I'm tired of hearing that.. What would be better  is "here, I have this $50,000 laying around that I don't really need and looks like you could use it. Have a great day!"  

I'm going to drag us to church on some Wed night (not this one unfortunately) and see what God has for me.. It worked for Susie. 

3 comments:

RN said...

The hormones hit me twice as hard with the second one than the first. Gosh I hate hormones!!! I think it was like my body said, "oh ya you are going to do this to me again well than I am just going to let the hormones have their way" And the hormones responded, "I do not think we had enough fun the first time, lets invite all our cousins and go to town this time."
You are in my prayers, thoughts, and gratitude, for all your personal exposure of life reminds me that 3 kids is a great number.
Love you

Susannah said...

Well, I don't know what to say other than to not feel guilty for worrying about whether this really is the right time. I think a little questioning is perfectly healthy, and kinda neccesary. If you never question anything then you're not really making any choices. It doesn't mean that you don't have faith, and it doesn't mean that you're not still trusting God. And maybe it is "just" hormones, but that doesn't make anything that you're feeling and going through any less real or important.

z007mom said...

I'm sorry I don't have the $50,000 but I Love You Much!!
:)

 

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