Enough Depression

So here is what the baby looks like at 7 weeks.. and is about the size of a grain of rice.. Pretty amazing huh? Nothing to be sad or depressed about.  

Thanks for the nice comments Rach and Susie. 

PS. the chinese calendar says it's a girl.. but it said that last time, so who knows???  It will be what it will be.. a baby.

Good photo huh?  Yeah, I always knew I was an amazing photographer.. :) 

Prayer Only

I'm posting this only for prayer.. I'm not trying to alarm anyone, I'm not looking for a ton of responses of "what's wrong" "what can I do", etc....  , I'm just depressed, confused and need prayer..  I guess for guidance, clarity, hope, money, and that it will all be okay..  My whole life is up in the air... We're having a baby, that is pretty sure. But we're thinking of renting our house and buying another one (with NO money), my business is quickly going down the toilet (thanks to all those photographers out there that think they can take pictures-hate these people), I worry that it's not the best time to have a baby (but who am I to question God)(then I feel guilty for those thoughts) ...  I'm not sure if it's just hormones, but I've been crying for 2 days and don't see any light at the end of this tunnel..  Everyone says this is normal, but is it? This time is sooooo much different then when we were pregnant with Alex.. Maybe it really is a girl and this is a glimpse at my future with a hormonal teenage girl who is just as crazy as me.... Lord help Me!!! ***as I cry*** I need to get out of this house.. I guess I'll go to the bank and transfer around what little money I don't really have to pay the baby sitter who watches Alex while I stay home and cry... what a mess.. maybe I'll just take a nap..  

Please don't respond and say it will all be okay. I'm tired of hearing that.. What would be better  is "here, I have this $50,000 laying around that I don't really need and looks like you could use it. Have a great day!"  

I'm going to drag us to church on some Wed night (not this one unfortunately) and see what God has for me.. It worked for Susie. 

Due Date!

Well, Muna will be happy.. The official due date for the new baby is Feb. 17th..  Which makes us 6  weeks and 3 days pregnant.. ish.. The reality though is that we won't go that long. Really the baby will come 2 - 3 weeks before that.. Being diabetic, they never wait that long and Alex came 2 weeks early anyway.. 2 days before my scheduled C-section. So, it looks like we'll be having Alex's 2nd Birthday party and then turning right around to have a baby..  Uggg!  But it's God's plan, so who am I to question how we're going to manage every year with Xmas and 2  birthdays.. I should ask Emelie.. She does it. Matt is in Jan and Nat is in Feb.. It can be done.. 

Well, that's all.. 

Bun In The Oven

Well, it's official.. I have a bun in my oven.. Not bread.. :0)   I took a test yesterday morning and sure enough, it was positive.. So I'm very skeptical and needed to really be sure, so I went down and had a blood test right away and yep, Positive again..  It's official we're pregnant. 

We are both very excited about having this baby and what changes will happen in our family, how Alex will react to having a sibling, all the usual worries about being first time parents. I still consider us very new at this.. But the reality is that for generations upon generations families have been going through this same change and they've all made it somehow..  You just do it, moment by moment, challenge by challenge... sometimes making it up as you go.. I guess.  I think really those thoughts are all going through my head, but I'm not truly worried cause God always has a plan and wouldn't give us a baby He didn't want us to have..  My real fears come with my health condition.. and I know God is watching out for me, but really, it's a choice that I control myself every second of the day.

Today when  we were driving home from the beach it hit me... All the things I went through to have Alex. All the food choices, the needles, the insulin, the bruising, the shooting up in restaurant bathrooms, the constant Dr. visits, the blood sugar level charting,  the tears, the Dr. yelling at me (sweet and wonderful as he is) (which makes it worst that I could drive him to yell at me and in his words,  "drive him to drink")..  It's really the hardest thing I've ever had to do and now here I am again.. Asking for it..   And the family "helping" is something I'm not looking forward to..  The helping usually comes across like "if you eat that you're killing your baby".. Anyway, I don't want to get to heavy about family right now.  But, I have made choices in my life that have all led to this path that I now take and I just have to deal with that. It will be hard. This is why God doesn't give me morning sickness. He knows I can't handle that.  :) 

I know the pay off is worth it, it's just going to be a rough ride...  

Oh, did I mention that when you have diabetes, you pee more? So when you're pregnant and diabetic you pee even more...  Chris loves that part.. We already stop every 20 minutes... 

Have a good night. Know that I'm excited, just tired already thinking about it. 

Chris

I'm so proud of Chris!  He started his very own blog..  

Photo-Susie Look-A-Like

So, I know I've been slackin on my 1 photo a day thing.. so I actually took pictures today.. This is Shelby and Hutton. I did their photos last year as well.. I think she looks like Susie when she was little.  I particularly like the one of Hutton with his foot in the water.  It looks like I took them somewhere exotic, huh?  Yeah, it's all in the angling. 

Teething & Sickness

Well, Alex has been "sick" all week teething.. Or so I thought until today when he has green snot and green gooo in his eyes..  What a mess.. I can't wait for Chris to come home tomorrow.. With Alex home sick, I have hardly gotten anything done.. What a mess.. did I already say that? Anyway..   I hate dealing with a sick baby when I'm tired.. I'm not good at it..  

Day Care Disaster

Well, Alex was going to start his first day at Vicki's. We took him, left him, he cried a little and then when I called about 2 hours later to see how it went, he had a fever and had thrown  up.. I thought it was anxiety but as it turns out he's probably teething. He always throws up when he gets a new tooth.. It's crazy.. Anyway, so I picked him and he spent most of the day sleeping.  Poor thing. Depending on tomorrow, he may go back and he may stay home, we'll just have to wait and see.   Other news: There are 2 more posts under this one. I'm on a roll tonight..  They are Emma & Swimming.. Good night. 

Kissing Cousins

I offered to keep Emma for Rachel and Ian while they all went to Disneyland. I figured, I wouldn't want to take a 1 1/2 year old, why would they?  So, we had our 1st sleep over.. It was fun..  We actually started off the journey with a traffic jam on 58 because of a chemical spill on I5, when I finally arrived, poor Emma had a temp and so we got the necessary goods and carried on with our fun. First, they kissed, then the  played, then came messy eating, followed by bathes and the sleeping.. It was fun and I would do it all again in a heart beat.. Chris was trying his had at how it would be with twins. They practically are..   Alex really enjoyed having Emma. He would show her one of his favorite toys and she would slap him as if to say "I don't want your stupid toy you dumb boy" and he would laugh and get another toy.. "maybe she'll like this one?"  It was funny..   Thanks Emma Girl for staying with us. Love You!!!  

Water Babies

So, it seemed like it was going to take forever to get the underwater photos back.. But they are finally here.. So, Photo 1 is Alex in the beginning and not quite liking swimming lessons.. I don't blame him, it was sooooooo cold...  

This is possibly the WORST photo ever taken of me, but I proudly say, "I took it myself!" Crazy, huh?  and could quite be the funniest photo I've ever seen...  I love everything about it..  Look at how good Alex is holding his breath!  

Alex is with his teacher Alli.  

Alli again and Alex having tons of fun.. 

Cutest baby ever! 

 Next year will be totally different, I know.. He may be afraid, he may be crazy! He is already showing signs of Crazy.. He really enjoyed jumping off the side of the pool at me.  A couple of times  I wasn't ready.. Good thing I think fast..  We had a great time and can't wait til our next swimming adventure.  

Long Lost Blogger

Wow, for someone that was posting every day, I sure have been slackin!  So, I've been having all this drama about my bedspread set.. I hate it.. (I know, not really drama, but drama to me) It all started when we went through a model  home in Teh. and I really liked the bedroom decorations and decided it was time for a change. I spoke to the lady about who made the decorations, what company, etc. She took down my name and NEVER called me.. She probably through away my number the second I shut the door..  So, I've been on the search for something new for about a year. Most recently I've really been racking my brain and finding nothing.. Even what I bought is not at all what I was looking for, but I like it anyway and it is different that what I was thinking.  I did find something on the internet, but they wanted $500 for the set... $400 too much. So I kept looking. I drug Chris to several places in town and everything was again $500.. So I was driving down Chester stopped at a light and there it was in the window.. I went it (was in love) and they wouldn't sell it to me. When they changed the window, they would call and make me an offer, but in the meantime I could go to TJ Max, which I had not yet. So, thanks to their advise, I found everything I needed at TJ Max yesterday and am now happy again. I also plan on painting the room cream when Chris leaves in July. I've got big things planned..  The choices where like this: A: Change the bedroom B: Buy a new house or C: Burn this house down..  So, we went with A. for less than $200 Yeah for TJ Max.. and the Hawaiian guy that helped me.  

More Swim Lessons

Today was the first day that it wasn't breezy.. and Alex had sooooo much fun..  First Spencer didn't come today, so it was just Alex, me and Alli (his teacher).  So at one point Alli says let's see if he'll jump off the side.. So, we go over, I set him on the side and I think (I'm going to try "Oh No!") (which in Alex's mind means lean back all crazy like in Chris' arms, or in this case, jump off the side of the pool) and it worked.. Like 30 times.. He started doing it so fast from the moment I put him up there that sometimes I wasn't ready to catch him.. I started letting him go under and he quickly learned to hold his breath.. Alli was impressed.. I already know that Alex is a dare devil!!!  I think it's my fault..  

So, I think the weather will be nice all next week and I hope we get our money's worth. He has much more fun when it's not cold. 

Oh, we have a picnic when we're done. Us, grass and a can of Vienna Sausages (and the occasional army ant). Fun memories (until the stupid can cuts my finger.)

Swim Lessons With Alex

"Well, Mom, let's talk about this.. Yesterday it was quite cold.

 I'm not sure today is going to be any different.. "

"Yeah, it wasn't much different. It was cold. Maybe even colder."

"BURRRRRRRRR"

"I think it's time to go home and take a nice warm nap."

Alex did better today than yesterday even though it was colder. The wind was blowing. He is also doing much better than his classmate Spencer. He's two and cries the whole time. It really is cold. I should have probably scheduled the lessons for the latter part of the summer. Oh, well, they are paid for now, so whatever. I hope by the end of the two weeks, he'll actually start having fun.. And speaking of fun, the fun pictures are in the waterproof camera (not digital), so I'm waiting to process those (who processes pictures anymore?) I felt weird just saying that word.. Anyhow, those photos will come around in a couple of weeds. Today we took one of both of us under the water.. I'm sure it will look terrible, but it was fun. 

Turtles

We went to my parents for a BBQ on Sunday and they brought out the turtles. Alex is still a little unsure of getting to close to them. As you can see, he's pressed as far back on me as he can be. He was also growling at them like they were monsters. He liked them, but just wasn't sure. Libby on the other hand knows she doesn't like them and tried to bite their legs. Bad dog. And she fought with Dottie (the cat). It was a big day for both Alex and Libby.