Home at last and Tired.

I've never seen a baby soooo desperate to be in his own bed.. Chris entertained him from Oxnard til Castaic and then he cried himself to sleep (about 40 minutes) and then a song came on that startled him and he cried until we finally got him in his bed..  He did stop for a minute until I had to take two seconds to pee and he had a melt down pushing me to his bedroom and pointing to his bed saying "nigh nigh" and crying. I tried to change his diaper, but no, he just wanted to sleep..  I feel the same way. 

Why Oxnard? Matthew Chris' cousin has joined the Army and is leaving Tues. So we had a little fair-well party. It was nice seeing everyone and being out of the hot weather here.  We pray that he will be fine and come home soon to start the next chapter of his life.. 

On the way home I had this overwhelming fear that we were going to crash again and this time it wouldn't go so well.. I silently cried from Castaic to Bak myself.  I do this thing where I live out in my head terrible terrible situations. Like dreams, but I'm awake. They become so real, it's as if they are happening. At times they are paralyzing. These daydreams are always terrible.. I won't go into details of tonight's, but I fear that I will not be able to sleep. There must be a name for this. Paranoia???  Anxiety??? Who knows.. But 2 car accidents in the same month are not helping.. I really need to stay home for awhile and rest...  Having Chris home helps.  I told Chris tonight on our way home that this years Xmas letter was going to be quite something... There is not a single month so far this year that there wasn't something out of the ordinary.. Most of it bad.. It's been a rough year. Everyone was so happy for 07 to be over and I think 08 was worse.. Now with Carina's news, it's just not getting any better..  What to do? What to do?  

PS. Susie and Matt: we missed you today.